I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
