This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
