Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
