Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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