just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
