That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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