I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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