I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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