I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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