I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
