i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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