I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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