what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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