Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize