like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
