It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
