I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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