you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
