i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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