i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
