im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
