Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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