piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
