sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
