And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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