Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
