if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
