I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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