woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
