Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
