Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
