im drinking this country out of the recession.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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