the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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