once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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