My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
false alarm. still invincible.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
