I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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