She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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