I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
