chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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