you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
