Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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