and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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