and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
