First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
