Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
