Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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