the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
