I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
