FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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