i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
