I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
