This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
