it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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