dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
