Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
