I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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