If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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