New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
