About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
