Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
