As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
