Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
