I smell stomach acid.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
