Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this beer tastes like vomit already
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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