Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
