oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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