Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she peed on how many people?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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