Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
