YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
