I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
