He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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