I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
