Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You pole danced in your parka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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