Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
