i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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