its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
