i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
