u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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