I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
