if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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